


Choco Strawberry Vanilla

by Etstrubal



Category: Haikyuu!!
Genre: M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-12-24
Updated: 2016-12-24
Packaged: 2018-09-11 18:17:24
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,327
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/9001360
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Etstrubal/pseuds/Etstrubal
Summary: The story of how Tendou finally got a chance to get closer to his hot blond neighbor... By accidentally breaking into his house drunk.





	

**Author's Note:**

> Satori canonically likes chocolate ice cream, I knew there was a reason I love him, chocolate ftw

The world was blurry. Like someone lowered the quality from 1080p to 240p, and added a weird 3D spinning effect just to mess with him. It didn't help that the stairs kept moving under Tendou's feet, or that he had to stop between floors to catch his breath.

After a long, productive Friday night at the bar with some friends, it was safe to say he was thoroughly drunk. Wasted. Really friggin' trashed. He wasn't even sure how he got this far without throwing up. And why, in god's name, did he think it would be a good idea to rent an apartment on the fifth floor of a building without an elevator? Oh, yeah, it was way cheaper than the alternatives. And there _was_ that one really hot, tall blond neighbor, even though, unfortunately, he didn't see him often enough. But damn, those legs... And that one time he saw him without his glasses... That one time their shoulders brushed when they passed each other and the stranger clicked his tongue at him... He sounded so annoyed back then, like Tendou annoyed him more than others, so that means he's special to him in some way, right? Totally.

He sunk in thought of the tall man and their few encounters to pass the time, and it worked, because in what seemed like a moment later, he was standing in front of his door. "Keys, keys, keys," he singsonged to himself under his breath, fumbling for them in his coat pockets. When he finally found them, he brought them up to eye level, pointing his finger at them. "Aha! There 'ya are, little devil things! You tried to hide, but I found youuu."

However, finding them proved to be the easier task. Actually getting them to fit into the hole was much harder. "Come on... Just... Get in there... That's what she said!" He burst laughing at his own joke and had to stop trying to open the door for a second. "Wait, I'm gay. So like... That's what he said?" He pondered out loud moments later, once he calmed down. "Ugh, who cares, just fucking... Open Sesame!" Annoyed by his lack of success, he rattled the door handle, and much to his surprise, the door actually opened.

"Oh shit, I'm a wizard." He whispered. _Or you just forgot to lock the door,_ suggested the tiny voice of reason, the one he thought had drowned in alcohol hours ago. "Or that, yeah." He mumbled back at it as he walked in and closed the door behind him. To be honest, he was a little disappointed that he isn't a wizard after all. It would have been so cool. He always wanted to have magic powers. That voice of reason was such a bummer, really.

In the darkness and shifting shadows of his apartment, something seemed a little off. Wasn't his couch supposed to be smaller? Was there always a book case in that corner? He shook his head, telling himself to stop being ridiculous. He's just drunk and tired. He needs to get to bed and sleep it off, he knew, but... his stomach was growling, and unless he wants to wake up feeling like the human embodiment of a trash pile, he should drink some water, too.

On to the kitchen it is. Something seemed off about the fridge, too. It was definitely smaller than usual... Or not? _Oh hey, look, ice cream!_ Fuck yeah, and his favorite too. "Lucky," He mused. What a pleasant surprise, considering he thought he finished it two days ago, but here it is! And almost full! God is real, after all. He forgot all about how everything seemed off once he started digging into the chocolaty dessert.

_______________________________

Kei was having a real nice dream before he woke up to a very real nightmare. Waking up in the middle of the night because someone broke into your house is something that happens to people on the news, people in movies, maybe to your nephew's friend's cousin. It's not something you expect to deal with yourself, and certainly not prepare for. The sound of his door opening woke him up a few seconds before, and once he realized what's going on, his now adrenaline spiked brain started offering solutions. 

Maybe he should just hide in his room, pretend to sleep if the intruder comes in and wait for them to leave before calling the police? Could he _text_ the police? If that a thing that you can do in those situations? There wasn't anything really valuable in his apartment aside from his laptop anyway, and it was in his bag... Which he left in the living room. _Fuck. My thesis... It's all on Word, fuck, no internet backups, I should have saved it on google drive too and fuck, what if he takes my laptop?_ And shit, Kei is pretty sure he'd rather get shot than risk losing his thesis. Time to man up, go out there, face whoever it is and hope he doesn't die.

Scanning his bedroom with wide eyes, Kei deemed it graviously lacking in terms of potential weapons. He had no gun, no knife; the closest thing he had to a bat was his umbrella. Could he remove the sheets quietly enough then use them to strangle the burglar? Does he really need the sheets, though? Couldn't he just put them in a headlock and strangle them that way? And what if they're actually stronger than him, or know what they're doing and will overpower him anyway? "No plan is the best plan" is a legitimate saying, right? Kei was about to find out just how much truth these words held.

Quietly, he slipped out of bed, staying barefoot to avoid unnecessary noise. He grabbed the umbrella anyway because why the hell not? It might prove useful, who knows? Inching his way down the hall, he noted that his apartment was still completely dark, and wasn't that kind of weird? Shouldn't the intruder turn on the lights, so he can actually see what he was stealing? Maybe it was a low quality, stupid burglar. The thought encouraged him; he could probably outsmart a dumbass, right? Just like in home alone.

Carefully making his way down the hall and looking over the corner, the possibility of this intruder being a complete moron became more and more likely. The lights were off, how was he going to search properly for anything of value like this? And then he wasn't even in the living room, but in the kitchen, with his back to the door, completely unguarded. Maybe he thought there was nobody there? And what was he doing in there anyway? It sounded like he was eating, or possibly jerking off, judging by the quiet moans. God. What the hell was wrong with him?

Kei inched his way over, slowly raising the umbrella not to make any noise. If the man noticed him approaching, he didn't give any indication for it, and then it was too late for him. Swung at full force, the umbrella collided with the side of the stranger's face. Letting out a loud, surprised noise, the intruder dropped whatever he was holding and let out another curse when, Kei assumed, it hit his foot. "Fuck! What the fuck!" He turned around, and his face was... Really familiar, even in the dim lighting.

Whatever, he was still a stranger who broke into his apartment in the middle of the night. "I already called the police," Tsukishima lied quickly, "So get the fuck out of here and leave whatever you already took behind and I won't have to beat the shit out of you." He hoped he sounded menacing enough, or at least more than he felt, because honestly, it's a little hard feeling threatening when you're shirtless, barefoot, and clutching an umbrella like it was a lethal weapon.

Holding his hand to the side of his head, shocked, the stranger slurred back at him, "You!"

Unexpected, but he could probably deal. He narrowed his eyes, tightening his hold on the umbrella.

"You're hot tall blond dude from E11! What are you doing here? And you hit me! That was totally not cool, dude. It really hurts. Though I'd probably forgive you because you're half naked and that's a good enough of an apology in my book." 

What the hell was happening? Was this dude hitting on him? Why does he know him? Is he fucking _drunk_ and eating his ice cream? What kind of burgler was he?

Kei's lack of response didn't deter the stranger in the least, and he continued rumbling to his heart's content. "Maybe you actually do like me! I have to admit, I didn't think you'd make the first move, but showing up in my apartment like this? You've got style." the intruder nodded along to his own words. "I like that in a dude, I like that a lot. Did you bring the ice cream, too? I thought I had finished it. What a way to hit on someone! I'm honestly very flattered right now." 

Out of all the truly ridiculous, borderline incredulous things that just came out of his mouth, one phrase stuck in Kei's mind. " _Your_ apartment? This is my fucking apartment, you fucking weeb creep." Kei pulled on one of his best expressions, one he was truly proud of and consisted of at least 3 different shades of contempt and 4 of disgust.  
It was a masterpiece, but not enough to throw the stranger off as much as he hoped. Or at all. Huh. Maybe it was the dark, he probably just wasn't able to see it properly.

"Oh," the intruder said dumbly, "OH." he repeated, slightly less dumbly. He seemed to understand something, and Kei patiently waited until he was ready to share his undoubtedly brilliant insight. "This is _your_ apartment!"

Yup, there it is. Kei rolled his eyes at him, "No fucking shit, sherlock."

"Oh, you see, I thought it was mine because these all look the same and the door just opened?" He explained, giggling. "I should have known something was weird, I definitely finished the ice cream but there it was, you know?"

Kei did not, in fact, know.

"I'm so sorry dude, I'm kinda drunk-"

_Called it._

"And it was a really, really honest mistake. I hope you'll find it in your heart to forgive me. Maybe if I take off my shirt, too?" He was already moving to remove it, so Kei had to intervene quickly. 

"No, there's really no need to-"

"No, no, if it helps I insist-"

"Take off you shirt and I'll hit your balls next." Kei deadpanned. And would you look at that, he managed to be threatening enough for this pervert weirdo to pull his shirt back on. Good one.

"So... This is a little awkward." The drunk stranger mused. "You know, what with you giving me mixed signals and stuff."

"Me giving you- WHAT?!" Kei spluttered.

"You know." He shrugged. "Bumping into me at the entrance the other day, and now you're shirtless and threatening the safety of my balls... What I'm trying to ask is..." He took a deep breath, passing a hand through his hair, "What are we?"

"What are we is not the question here, who the fuck _are_ you?" 

"What? It's not _that_ dark in here, dude. I'm the hot redhead neighbor from E5! Right across from you? I probably got the sides wrong, now that I think about it."

Oh. Oohhh. Oops. Yeah, he remembered said guy. He really was kind of hot, though maybe not so much after a night of heavy drinking. "Did you just call yourself hot? Pathetic."

"It ain't pathetic when it's true, baby." 

"Call me baby again and you can kiss your balls goodbye."

"Maybe _you_ can kiss my balls goodbye." the redhead slurred at him.

Kei huffed indignantly. He should have known what this kind of phrasing would result in, really. "This is enough. Get the fuck out of my apartment, you pervert creep." he nudged him with the tip of the umbrella.

"Alright, alright, no need to get aggressive," his neighbor raised his hands to show he's innocent, then started moving towards the exit. "But it _is_ kind of insulting, you know? You tsked at me, the least you could do is remember my face." he muttered as he passed Kei.

Honestly, the level of pettiness people shamelessly display is astonishing. 

"I can't believe I thought we had a _connection_ -" his sentence turned into a shriek when he tripped over air and fell right on his face. 

Kei groaned loudly, "Get up and the fuck out, you lazy ass! I wanna go back to sleep!" He jabbed him with the tip of the umbrella again, harder this time, but there was no response. Kei stabbed him again. Nothing. _Fuck._ "This isn't funny, get up." he said, not sure at all it was some joke and that he didn't pass out for real. "Uhh..." _what's his name anyway?_ "Dude? Are you alright?" Still, no response. _Shit shit shit shit shit-_ Kei dropped to his knees, carefully flipping the now confirmed unconscious man onto his back. "You've got to be fucking kidding me." His nose was bleeding, eyes rolled back and _oh god please don't be dead._

He tried gently shaking him, but it didn't seem to work and the blood kept flowing, so Kei decided to stop the bleeding first. He quickly grabbed a bundle of tissue paper, then holding the creep's head up, pressed them to his nose. _Please, god, don't let the blood soak through and touch my fingers, and pretty please, don't let him stop breathing, because I'm **not** giving this creep mouth to mouth._

Not long after his silent prayer, the man's eyes opened, staring up at him hazily. "I've died and gone to heaven, right? A face like this belongs to an angel, for sure."

"Ugh." Kei dropped him to the floor, mouth twitching in disgust.

"Ouch," He seemed to catch on to the fact he was bleeding and pressed the bundle of tissues to his nose himself. "M'sorry. I d'int bean t'pass out." He said, voice coming out weirdly since his nose was stuffed.

"It's okay, not like you did it on purpose." The taller mumbled. He actually felt a little bad about it, what if the hit he took from the umbrella fucked up his balance even more and that's why he fell? The redhead didn't seem to think about this possibility, though, so he kept it to himself.

"I don't really think I can ge'up right now," Continued the redhead.

Leaning back against the counter, Kei let out a long suffering sigh. "It's fine. I'm probably not going back to sleep anyway."

"And m'sorry for breakin' to your apartment and eatin' your ice creab. That was a real dick bove." 

The apology was so sincere it was almost sweet. Drunks are always honest, after all. "It's fine." Kei shrugged. "It was just sitting in the fridge anyway. I don't like chocolate all that much."

"Ew, don't tell me you're a Vanilla person? And to think I thought you're hot..." The redhead glanced at him with a teasing half smirk.

"Shut up," Tsukishima kicked his side gently, "I like strawberry. Vanilla is too boring anyway."

"Oho? I knew you wouldn't be Vanilla." His half smirk widened, and even without it, it would have been clear enough he wasn't talking about ice cream anymore.

Kei rolled his eyes and tsked, not even dignifying that comment with a proper response. They kept a peaceful silence for half a minute or so before the redhead decided to attempt and stand up again. Kei watched him closely, ready to catch him should he fall down again. It would be bad if he passes out again and takes even longer to get out of his apartment, of course, not like he cared for his safety or anything. 

"Aha!" He exclaimed once he was up again. His nose had stopped bleeding, too, so he removed the tissues, and frankly, they should have probably stayed there. He looked like something out of a bad 80' horror movie, with streaks of dried blood littering his jaw and neck, with some drops on his shirt as well. 

Should he suggest he washes up? Nah, he can do that in his own apartment. Instead, Kei clapped politely. "Very impressive. Now lets see if you can walk." The guy made one hesitant step in his direction, but the blond quickly put his hand up to stop him. "Door's over there." he kindly pointed at it.

"Yup, I knew that." he carefully turned around in his place, arms spread to the sides for extra balance. Step by step, with Kei slowly following and supervising him, the man made his way to the door. 

"Very good!" Kei mock-praised. 

"Thank you!" the guy turned to flash him a smile, but it was too much for his impaired balance - he nearly tripped again and Kei had to grab his arm to steady him. "Whoa. You're stronger than you look." the redhead nodded appreciatively.

"You suck at compliments." the taller deadpanned in response, releasing his forearm. 

"Just an observation," his neighbor managed to open the door, and then the moment Kei has been waiting for finally arrived: the redhead was out of his apartment. Hallelujah.

And still, he couldn't really bring himself to shut the door after him. He watched as the other stumbled over to his own door, making sure it was the right one, then struggled with the keys for a little while before getting it right and opening his door. Just before entering, though, he turned back to him, bowing slightly and slurring "Au revoir, Blondie!" 

Yeah, Kei had no problem slamming the door shut after that.

_______________________________

A knock on the door snapped Kei out of his procrastination daydreaming. Thank god, an actual distraction from this boring paper. _It's probably Tadashi,_ he assumed as he walked to the door. He vaguely remembered them agreeing to meet up and go for coffee, but wasn't sure if it was happening or not. Lo and behold, though, the man behind the door was most certainly _not_ his green haired friend. "You." he muttered at the clean, much hotter version of the intruder from the previous night.

"Me." the man agreed with a huge grin.

"What are you doing here? Haven't you pestered me enough last night?"

"Rude," he huffed, "I wasn't pestering you, it was an honest mistake that I apologized for. And I came here to apologize again. My name is Tendou Satori, by the way."

"Tendou," he tried the name on his tongue. It was sweeter than he expected. "I'm Tsukishima Kei."

"Tsukki!"

"No, no Tsukki. Tsukishima."

"Right, Kei it is." Tendou sensibly agreed.

The blond rolled his eyes at him.

After a moment of silence, Tendou raised his right hand between them, drawing attention to the plastic bag he was holding. "I come bearing gifts." He declared.

Kei eyed the bag in his hand suspiciously. "What gifts?"

"Strawberry ice cream! You said it was your favorite, right? And I felt totally bad for eating yours, because like, ice cream is holy, you know? So I got you some!" 

"Huh. I thought you were drunk to remember." _He actually went out to get some just for me? That's a little touching._

The grin widened. "Aww, are you touched?"

_What the fuck, can he read minds now?_ "Fuck no. Give me that, I'll put it in the fridge." Kei grabbed the bag, and leaving the door opened, walked to his kitchen. There were no footsteps following his, so he was forced to say it outright, even though leaving the door should have been enough of a hint. "Are you coming in or what? The chocolate ice cream isn't going to finish itself."

**Author's Note:**

> [tumblr](https://www.tumblr.com/blog/etstruball)


End file.
